peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
