I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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