I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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