The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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