Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
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