I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
