I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
