i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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