You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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