Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
