so that wasnt chicken after all
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize