found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
