lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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