remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
