I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
