I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
