Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
