You're my little dorito
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
