I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
