She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
