My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
