so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
