i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
