I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize