Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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