Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
