I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
