It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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