he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
