Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
