why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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