moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize