found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
