hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
