it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he was CRYING into my vagina
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
