I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
