based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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