can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
