I seem to have left my pride at pride
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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