I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
they're like a gay fantastic four
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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