here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize