I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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