no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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