I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
where am i from again
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
