sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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