come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
ttyl tear gas
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
