Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
