She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize