Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
and you fell through a lawn chair
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
