I need help removing her.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
