I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
