Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
