put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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