Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
