I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
