yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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