It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
