once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
